Sometimes You Just Wann Go Back and Rewind but Sometimes its Better to push Fast Forward

For the longest time Ive kept my emotions

For the longest time I showed everybody how strong I am.

I tried my best to prove that my hard is made of stone and not glass.

I know I'm not resistant to pain but it took a long time to prove that Im not numb.

 

Today is a different day, cause today Im letting go.. totally.

There is a chance I may never see him again.

I know that.

 

But what's confusing is that I thought that's what I really want,

but what's with the tears?

Cant even say that these are tears of swadness nor joy.

 

And that's actually the part that I hate the most.

When Im confused.

I'd rather be depressed than be confused.

But Id rather be confused than numb.

 

Numbness is a phase I dont wanna go back to.

Atleast now Im starting to feel again.

Im starting to think about what I want again.

Im starting to get back in track.

I hope this is the real start.

 

I wanna change.. for the better.

I wanna love again.

I wanna be happy again.

Cry endlessly while watching movies.

Laugh til my tummy aches just because of nonsensical jokes.

I wanna be afraid to do something again and be afraid of my limits.

I want my hopeless romantic side back.

I wanna write stories again.

Inspirational ones.
Eerie ones.

Love stories.

Poems.

Paint.

 

 

I want my rainbow colored life back.

I want ME back.